Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
