oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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