Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Randomize
