Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
