and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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