I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Randomize
