I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
