I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
