I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
