WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
