I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
