I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize