i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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