Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He is an equal opportunity slut.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
