You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
