just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
