You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
