im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
