college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
