Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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