really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize