Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
