then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
