So drunk its hurt
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
