Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
