Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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