Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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