i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
