I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize