you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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