Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
