The best revenge is premature balding
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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