Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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