Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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