We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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