He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It all started with a game of naked twister.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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