But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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