The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
