I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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