I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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