I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
