there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
i out mim tonsoeep
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
