Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
