Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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