just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
