i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
