The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
