How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize