i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize