i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
