Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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