During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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