Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
