Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
