I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
