Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
