R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
now i know why i became what i already was.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
