Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
