He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
