You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
