just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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