she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
