After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
