last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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