I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
