Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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