I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
