DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
