In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
