Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
