apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
