i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Randomize
