he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
