They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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