Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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