walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
