When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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