Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
