she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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