I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
