I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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