fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
