Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
