So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
