Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
