hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
