There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
How's work?
Spinning.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
