i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
