guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
