I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
