I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
