I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
