Whoa Z and x make the same sound
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
