he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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