Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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