did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize