I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
