You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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