how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
